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Saturday, August 27, 2005

Why I Love Being a Hen

I was just in a discussion over at BoomerWomenSpeak.com, talking about menopause. Seems there are some that are...shall I say, confused...about what is going on in a woman's body during this transitional time.

Some are complaining about hot flashes and being tired and some are actually thinking that they are losing it.

To clear up some misconceptions about this "change" of life, I'll give you the low-down from someone who has been there, done that, and still there.

First of all, let's talk about that weight gain, girls. All of sudden, you look down and you're twenty, thirty pounds heavier. As in, what the hell happened, you know?

Okay, not good for your health, but did you realize what a nice set of knockers you have now?



As someone who was quite thin at one time (hard for even me to believe), I actually stuffed my bra. Okay, not good to admit something like that, but when everyone else has something you don't have, why not. Anyway, now, I don't have to. In fact, I even jiggle! And oh man wait until you put that low-cut sweater on...you'll love it! I know I do!

Another thing. Those nasty once-a-month occurrences when all you want to do is curl up and die? No more! Do you realize how much money you are saving on feminine products??? Not to mention that great sex you can have knowing not only will you not have anymore bambinos as a result of it, but you're saving even MORE money by not having to buy all those clumsy birth control devises! and a bag of chips!

And, hell, all that money you're saving, you can now afford that trip to the Bahamas you've dreamed of!

(Oh, that's another thing. You can use hell and other cuss words and no one dares call you down about it.)

Now here's the best part. You remember when you used to tell people to do something, they didn't do it? Well, that doesn't happen anymore! When you talk now, sister, EVERYONE listens. They know that if they don't, you'll rip their heads off their scrawny little necks and not think twice!



Listen, sisters, this is the best freaking time of our lives. Now, get off your arses and write about it!!!

posted by Dorothy Thompson @ Saturday, August 27, 2005

8 Comments:

  1. At Sunday, August 28, 2005, Blogger Kathy Holmes said…

    Now there's Dorothy!

    I'm not there yet but you're scaring me with these stories about gaining weight. Been battling that most of my life and lately I've been struggling even more. And if my breasts get any larger, I'm going to need a wheelbarrow to carry them around in. So maybe this is only true for the skinny girls. Well, I can only hope. But we do sound like a couple of good hen lit characters. :)

     

  2. At Sunday, August 28, 2005, Blogger Dorothy said…

    LOL, this weight thing is rather new to me and it's kinda cool seeing meat on these bones. However, I am sluggish and that's where this power-walking thing might help. I've slipped. Missed yesterday because I THOUGHT I was going to the movies but when I got home from work, all I wanted to do was try to work on that ^%$#@ Over the Hill book and I just threw up my hands in frustration and started reading OTHER people's books. Much better. Only, am I the only one that really can't get into the YAYA books? I'm forcing myself to because hell I'm a third into it and I want to see what the big fuss is about, only I don't see it. Marianne Mancusi's book was much more fun. Maybe that's it. I'm looking for fun in my ripe old hen life.

    Oh, Kathy, I read your email and haven't gotten back to you but I'll do it now. After I read it, I said dammit she's right, but I still had that "block." I'll email you back and explain. This book is driving me ape-sh**.

     

  3. At Sunday, August 28, 2005, Blogger Kathy Holmes said…

    Exercise seems to be especially key at this stage of our lives.

    And this is the thing - I love,love,love, chick lit and can't read "women's fiction" anymore. Unfortunately, most of what I see touted as "hen lit" seems to be more of the latter. I hope to change that. :)

     

  4. At Sunday, August 28, 2005, Blogger Lynn said…

    I'm the exception, but I don't think I'm alone. I have LOST weight since menopause set in. My doctor said that it's my way of dealing with stress (true: I can't eat when I'm upset). I've had thyroid trouble and left me exhausted until we fixed the dosage on my medication. And I never had a set of knockers, and nothing has changed about that now.

    So, I think menopause is as individual as each woman. We necessarily have to gain weight! I exercise to keep my bones and muscles healthy (and to keep the ticker happy), and that is still the best and most rational solution to menopause symptoms. The blues come and go, and memory mainly goes. And I'm still not convinced that this is the best time of my life, although I've been trying to believe this.

    It's an individual thing and we each handle it in our own way. Sorry to be the voice of dissent.
    Lynn

     

  5. At Sunday, August 28, 2005, Blogger Lynn said…

    Ack! I meant to write, "we DON'T necessarily have to gain weight."

    Lynn

     

  6. At Sunday, August 28, 2005, Blogger Dorothy said…

    Interesting comments from the both of you! I know that when I go through stress, I lose weight so I must not be going through too much stress at this point in time, but you know what I think is the worse thing for those trying to keep that trim figure? Computers! I learned how to use the computer about four or five years ago and I've seen a drastic increase of weight. Of course, I need to see the doc..you never know, but I never had any problems before I started sitting on this computer day and night.

     

  7. At Sunday, August 28, 2005, Blogger Kathy Holmes said…

    And I, of course, am an anxiety eater. And pursuing a fiction career is full of anxiety with lots of anxiety-based eating. But isn't it true that we must be forced into situations where we have to face our weaknesses in order to conquer them? I'm still waiting for the conquering part. :)

     

  8. At Sunday, August 28, 2005, Blogger Dorothy said…

    Ohhh...good point! Conquering our weaknesses. Hm. Turning a so-so book into something NY would buy. Now that's conquering!

     

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